Life

live life, lurve it!!!

shall be begin our endeavours again?? i was thinking today that my life really is passing me by, and i feel that i might regret not enjoying it.
i feel that my childhood is gone, i can never get it back. and i feel that i'm wasting my teenager hood working for the adulthood. but the truth is, i'll spend more time as an old uglier adult than i will spend as a cranky, slightly angsty, angry, and slightly good looking dreaming teenager.
and i'm wasting it away by preparing for my adulthood, which is probably going to suck anyways.

so i will try to keep my grades where they are, as well as try to have as much fun as i can allow.

i had a lot of fun as the black jack dealer at casino night. i'm glad i went. i almost chickened out because i had a history report on Wednesday, but then we had this SNOW DAY today!!!!!!!!!!!!
which i didn't believe it when my parents told me this morning... ah well.

i should stop immersing myself in books as well, because then i forget about my life. it is slightly annoying.
but the gemma doyle trilogy by libba bray, although i totally immerse myself, unfortunately, i think they touch upon important things in life, so i really like them.
i'm thinking about writing to the author, but i know she probably won't read it.... ah well. who ever does listen to me, right?

and i'm only ever funny in writing, and that's only sometimes.

here i am, a selfish human being, continuing to talk about myself as if i was actually important. because the truth is, we are all replaceable.
i want to be original, unique, needed, irreplaceable.............. but that will never happen.

i want to be somebody. NO, i want to be me, but i feel that society won't accept me as i am. so that makes me want to forget about society etc etc, but the truth is, most people do need society. if they don't have it, they crumble. My middle school career made me realize that you don't need to be accept to survive. sure it's harder to survive if you're not accepted, but hey, you can still live through it, and it often does help change us and let us grown through that.

wow..... i really need to make sure i keep this up. i want to be able to go back to it someday and show everyone that in highschool i actually THOUGHT. mostly about who I am, but about other stuff too, like what happens at the END, and the different dynamics of life.

i really don't want to think of a major. i want to help serena, to keep her from being pushed into the adult the world as well. i wish we could stop growing up. i wish we had more time. I don't want to miss out on my life by preparing for a family i might never have... i definetly want to be independent.

i want i want i want. blah blah blah i should just stop talking this c-rap.
i shall return to planet mearly insane, and leave all those others on planet mad. --- sorry, no real meaning for that to be placed there.

this is a really long post, and i really do need to study for my Cicero test. Damn you Cicero and your stupid Latin prose!!! and my buddies cos, sin, and tan.... ugh


"it is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." ~Antoine de Faint

vis tecum sit. -- may the force be with you
semper vis tecum sit -- may the force be with you always